Five Years is not Enough

"Rhiz, five years is not enough to admit what happened and another years for forgiveness. This is really hard but you will surely get there. Be mad if you need to, by doing that forgiveness follows."

This was the reply of a friend of mine when I texted her,"Ate, I thought I am already healed. But everytime I remember what had happened, I feel like cursing those people who ill-used me."

You might ask me what had happened why I felt that way. Okay, I'll tell you.

2003 when I first fell in love. I was 23 years old then. I was very idealistic when it comes to love. I promised myself that whoever the man who comes first will also be the last man in my life. That's why I set a standard. That man must be a man of God who possess kindness, intelligence and of course, good outside look. When that man came, I thought, he was the perfect and right for me. I felt so blessed to have him. I was proud to be loved by him.

The moment that we were together was one of the happiest moment in my life. I thought it will last forever. Time came that we need to be separated by distance due to the call of work. He promised me that he'll stay the same.

I missed him very much. He told and promised me to visit me. I really expected him to come to my place. One...two months had past but still, I was waiting for his promise. I understood why he didn't pay any single visit because I knew he had a lot of work and at that time his brother was seriously sicked. But I believe that was not an acceptable reason. He was in a relationship and he was old enough to balance everything. I texted him, "Kailan ka pupunta rito, sa burol ko?" He got mad because of that text message. So, what I did was to ask for forgiveness.(Ako pa 'yong humingi ng tawad ha?)

I loved that person not just because of his positive qualities but his total personality. I was very crazy about him.

As days went by, lumalabo na ang lahat. Dahil nga siguro sa lack of communication. I asked my friend who was working with him kung may iba na siya. She told me, "I don't know."

I got a chance to talk to him. I asked him what's the problem. He said,"Isipin muna natin ang mga sarili natin. As of now, I want to help my brother." So, nanahimik muna ako.

After a couple of months, I was informed that he's getting married. We didn't have a formal break up. I can't explain what I felt during that time. It was so very painfull. And what made it hard for me to accept the reality was the fact that he left me for a very good friend of mine whom I trusted so much. That was the very saddest and lowest point of my life.

But I need to move on. And it was really hard for me to do so. During those teary moments, I heard the voice of the Lord saying,"My child, I love you very much."

Yes, the Lord loves me so much. If man's love fails us, God's love never fails. He is true to His promises.

Because of that heartbreaking experience, my dreams live again. When I was in love with that man, I had forgotten to think of myself, my dreams and ambitions.

Tatlong taon na ang nakalipas. I am still on the healing process. Gusto ko nang makalimutan ang lahat. Pero napakahirap. My friends told me, "Huwag kang magmadali."

Yes, I believe that in God's time, everything will be all right.